We Are Touchy, Aren’t We?

…because physical components of the machines expand and contract in response to temperature changes, the amount of time a machine has been running, or even the time of day, might affect calibration—which could explain why the problem didn’t show up in later attempts to reproduce the error.

After the last presidential election, you’d have thought the tech firms responsible for touchscreen voting systems would have used the intervening years to make improvements. The iVotronic machines implicated in the voting problems of Florida in 2006 have come under scrutiny again, as people voting Democrat find the selection jumping to the Republicans.

Not only can the environment and time of day impact the performance of the touchscreen calibration, but also the height of the user and how long the device has sat in storage. The opportunities in PARANOIA for confusion and bewilderment seems endless, as R&D constantly mothball and then recycle technologies. That nifty touchscreen control for the ActivePeril Plasma-fusion Multi-load Missile Launcher worked a treat in the lab, delivering multiple ordnance types against a range of test targets… but, out in the field, in a corridor with functionally-challenged air conditioning or traitor-sabotaged strip lighting, will it work with the same streamlined functionality?

What about other control interfaces, from auto-medication dispensers and elevator controls, to vending machines or automatic bank tellers?

CITIZEN NICK-R-LSN – YOU HAVE INPUT A REQUEST TO WITHDRAW 1,000,000 CREDITS. YOU HAVE INSUFFICIENT FUNDS TO MEET THIS REQUEST. DO YOU FEEL YOU ARE UNDERVALUED, CITIZEN NICK-R? I NOTE YOUR EQUIPMENT OFFICER HAS IDENTIFIED SEVERAL ITEMS OF GEAR NOT RETURNED ON MISSION COMPLETION. WOULD YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, CITIZEN NICK-R? IS THAT A NEW JUMPSUIT YOU ARE WEARING?

Uh, no. No, hang on. I input a request for 100 credits. Not a million. I… uh… this jumpsuit isn’t new… I just…

ARE YOU LOGGING A COMPLAINT ABOUT THE INPUT INTERFACE OF THE AUTO-TELLER, CITIZEN NICK-R? ARE YOU (A) QUESTIONING THE EFFICIENCY OF TECH SERVICES MAINTENANCE PROTOCOLS? (B) LOGGING A REPAIR DETAIL INADEQUACY REQUEST AGAINST…

Uh… No. Look, I…

I AM SORRY, CITIZEN NICK-R, YOUR RESPONSE DOES NOT MATCH THE SELECTION OFFERED. I AM DESPATCHING A VULTURE SUPPORT, COUNSELLING AND RIOT SUPPRESSANT SQUAD TO ATTEND TO YOUR REQUEST. PLEASE REMAIN AT THIS LOCATION UNTIL THEY ARRIVE.

Oh, sh…